Now I'm Talking Through My Pen...

Now I'm Talking Through My Pen...

The Life And Times Of Kelly Stardust.

[	More of Kelly	\|		]
[	Archive	\|	The Fruits Of My Past	]

(no subject)	[Feb. 11th, 2009\|06:44 pm]
I swear to fucking Avo, I'm so angry I could punch my thighs. Which actually occured.
link	Start to talk shit.

Blehdom revisited	[Feb. 8th, 2009\|05:41 pm]
Sometimes I feel like I've been replaced. Often times, I try my best to push such a grim thought to the back but it always resurfaces. I suppose there's not much one can do but whatever. I'm just a teenage girl-a middle class teen age girl. I can't be anymore than that. Today made me realize how lucky I am to have my mother and father. It's just too good to be true, sometimes.
link	Start to talk shit.

(no subject)	[Jan. 30th, 2009\|11:41 pm]
I went to the Madera Center to take the placement test for the MCCAP program next year. As I sat outside the classrooms, letting the sun rays kiss my face, staring far out into the green, unfenced distance, I felt a surge of strong emotion-a realization that my future, my unfenced school campus of college education future, is but a step away. No more security of bicycle. No more rich farmer's spoiled sons and daughters (at least in large packs, anyways.) No more bullshit nonsensical talk of ass and titties in the lunch line. No more...just no more. Soon. Soon, soon, soon...
link	Start to talk shit.

NO MORE BRACES!

[Jan. 28th, 2009|06:35 pm]

[	Mood:	\|	accomplished	]
[	Music To My Ears:	\|	Front 242-Welcome to Paradise	]

Electronic Body Music to celebrate!!

link

Start to talk shit.

One Of The Devout

[Jan. 20th, 2009|09:53 pm]

[

Mood:

anxious

]

So this weekend, I finally got a Last FM account. It has really changed something inside me..opening doors to music I never thought I'd submit to for quite awhile..German Industrial. (And every subgenre in between) It's times like these where I realize the true addict within, the one passed down from my father and his father before. I. Can't. Stop. I want more, more, more, more until every analogue synth beat ruptures my heart..

I find it funny how I change my occupational interests each week to month, but I suppose I'm at liberty to do so, being so young. In the not so distant past I've wanted to be a Librarian, Small Business Owner (Preferably music), Photographer ect. However, my wild addiction to music listening rituals, though it flucuates, is thee most frequent occuring of my phases. I don't even know where I'm going anymore, I have no concrete answer as to what I plan on doing, other than San Francisco State(A long lasting determination that has ACTUALLY STUCK) but I have this strange, beautiful feeling that it is going to be music orientated. This feeling isn't foregin to me...sometimes it excites me to the point of eager illness-Like..when a new album is released, and I must get my grabbing hands on it..gotta have it, my heart screams. Gotta have all of it! Music is an umbrella subject. There is so much I could do with it, so much I could experience..occupationally, anyways. From owning a live club to working at a record label, the options are endless. Where to go from here? How to narrow it all down? There's no way of knowing.

Ahhhhhhhh........It's frustrating, these thoughts. Feelings I've felt and documented countless times...

Mantrap - A Wish Come True - Beborn Beton

Ugh...this kindles a fire within..

link

Start to talk shit.

Sentimental Fool.	[Jul. 26th, 2008\|04:31 am]
I woke up in the middle of another dream of Joey. Not that I'm saying they're frequent..but still. Time has been more against our friendship than in favor of it, though I guess that's not saying much considering how he lives in Leicester, England and I don't heh. I think he starts going to University this year too. Busy, busy, busy. I tried to sleep it off, but I felt compelled to at least send him a nice little email, asking how he's been, the regular stuff. I decided to save my sentimental foolishness for the Livejournal community. I guess it's just that he's the only "internet penpal" I've managed to keep the longest. All the rest I've had rough falling outs with...and it's just painful to see such a cute little thing destroyed by something as unmerciful as time. Perhaps our whole online friendship was really an escape from the hard grips of boredom. He was 16, I was 14...we both really enjoyed radiohead, he never went out. I developed a little crush on him, eventually. Nothing big, but it got to the point where the first thing I did when I got home from school or woke up to was turn on the computer and see if the little man next to his screenname in windows live was green (meaning, he's online). Perhaps its just the possiblity that he's managed to totally forget about me, remorslessly, before I've forgotten him. Or maybe it's change? So much has changed within the past two years, mostly my way of thinking. I know two years won't hold a candle to what it'll be like in the future...this is just the beginning of the rest of my life. Maybe not even that. This is not even chapter one...it's the title page. I'm sure it's really just nothing. It shouldn't have suprised me that this was to happen; I've really no reason to be sad, either. Not the least bit. But I have a feeling my subconcious just won't let me forget him, heh. Why is this? Why is my brain unwillingly attached to him? Its not bothersome so much as strange. Nothing is as bothersome as the thought of DJ. I hate not knowing how he's doing, if he's even alive. I don't even remember what DJ stands for anymore. I wonder if he still gets on LJ...Are you reading this, DJ? I've had dreams about you too. I still remember how they called you "The Shocker". "Open up, begin again Let's go down the waterfall Think about the good times And never look back Never look back" I remember. "Mate like ducks."
link	Start to talk shit.

Bleh.	[Jul. 25th, 2008\|01:11 pm]
I want to sleep it out. All day long. Yesturday was nice. Sort of. I went swimming at Santa Monica beach, dived into the waves. Got my face burnt XD. I blame posidon. I saw the pictures my cousin took of me (without my permission). Does the camera really add on ten pounds? It better. I pretty much hate my body..again. It's always the same old stupid thing. I really hope I don't have a weight problem..addictions run in the family and a few of my relatives have weight problems.. Fuck,
link	Start to talk shit.

Ocean Rain	[Jul. 22nd, 2008\|03:11 pm]
is the only song I can listen to right now. I feel a lack of peace... This song is bringing me peace. I really miss this album right now... Everything at once.
link	Start to talk shit.

Heaven Up Here!

[Jun. 7th, 2008|06:52 pm]

[	Where art thou:	\|	Mike & Moe's	]
[	Mood:	\|	contemplative	]
[	Music To My Ears:	\|	Only When I Loose myself (Gus Gus Remix)-Depeche Mode	]

I recently discovered that I'm going camping thrusday! It'll be my first time ever! It's exciting to finally get out of here, even if it's just for a moment or several.

I'll gather my thoughts. I'll meditate. I'll listen to Iggy Pop. Heaven, right? Right!
It'll be heaven up here! Spiders crawling into my mouth, axe murders running amuck...OH the joy. But really, I'm super excited. I'll actually get to see the fucking stars! Do you know how great that is going to be? I'm already feeling so overwhelmed by the thought of it. I've been needing that fresh breath of air, too...

My thoughts have been of the hormonal persuasion lately, if you know what I mean. Sam's words in replying to my expressing this were "Kelly, you're always like that." And it dawned on my how often my mind sails to the dirty side of litter box. I've got the mind of a sailor, damnit! It's all that Depeche Mode, I swear. In no way would I ever act upon these thoughts, however. Not unless the circumstances were right and steady, whatever that means... I know what I'm talking about, and you should too! My parents appreciate the fact that I'm not promiscucoius; it would really hurt my mother to see me disrespect my body and integrity like that. I remember when I took my beloved poodle to have a play date with a friend's poodle, and he got up in her grill (or should I say bumper?). I felt enraged that some stupid man-mutt wanted to de-poodle my poodle. I suppose that's how my sweet ol' mother would feel, but a million times more exaggerated. I dunno.

I've been really good about keeping that light a-shining, and I thank Kathy a whole lot for mentoring me on the subject. Thank you, Kathy. I love you more than a fat kid loves willie wonka's candy factory.

But ANYWHO. Life is pretty good. I've grown quite fond of the consistancy in my life. Always having my parents home, always sitting down everynight to watch craptastic crime shows. It's very American, and it's a beautiful thing. Way better than it used to be. I've come a long way to live this life, and it's not bad at all.

Oh, well this is where we depart. Thank you for basking in my pubecent hoopla, I appreciate it.

Sincerely,

Your handsome narrator.

link

Start to talk shit.

Waiting for the night to fall.

[Apr. 29th, 2008|12:53 pm]

[	Mood:	\|	happy	]
[	Music To My Ears:	\|	In sadding around-Jawbreaker	]

bleh. I'm just waiting for the day to end, becuase I know excatly what I am going to do. I'm going to ride my bike and forget things. At least it's something to look forward to. Especially after this next period. I'm probably going to be a little pissed off.

Might go to sam's prom thingy for her school. It's not great, but it's a start. She left me a pile of cds at my house. I picked up on some Jawbreaker, and I really do enjoy it. It's very likable, in a weird way.

Update : Later today.

Rode my bike, and I felt loads better. Soundtrack: DM's Violator.

I felt so free, so healthy. I raced against the wind, while dave's baritone whispered sweet everythings in my ear. "Let me show you the world in my eyes..."

I traveled to a part of my neighborhood that I hadn't seen since I dated Nathan about two years ago. I remember the day. It was Nathan, Mike, and I. We spotted a naked homeless dude washing his clothes in the river-thingy.
Memories.

But as far as today goes, it was very beautiful. The wind sang, while the trees danced. "I stop and I stare too much, afraid that I can't do much" It was very epic. I wanted so badly to lay down somewhere and just...let the wind kiss me all over. But I felt obligated to keep riding, for some reason. Dave's voice beckoned it. I gained speed.

On Riverview street, a collared dog began chasing me. I rode faster and faster until I peddled too fast for the bike itself. "Someone to hear your prayers, someone who cares." It kept on following me. Quite endearing, really. I yelled at it to say before i got back on Schnoor. I didn't want to endanger the dog, it seemed as though it had a loving family to go home to.

I rode down the bike trail, more memories. More flash backs. "Bring your chains, your lips of tragedy, and fall into my arms." Racing against the wind again, just a small daring fix. Closed my eyes, let the bicycle sail. Let the world spin.

Came home and slept. It was a great nap, although I drooled so much I woke up. Today turned out well, though. I might have a date with silvia this Thursday.

link

Start to talk shit.

navigation

[	viewing	\|	most recent entries	]
[	go	\|	earlier	]